Monday, March 23, 2009

Forecast Monkey 2.0

I know, you were hoping that you were done with the Forecast Monkey's pitiful screeches. Well too bad!

Late one night, as I was relating the story of the Forecast Monkey's rise and fall over the last few months to some buddies, we decided to try our hand at monkey brain surgery (it's the sort of idea that starts to sound reasonable after you've had a few drinks). Unfortunately, the amount of mind-altering substances in use that night prevents me from recalling exactly what we did to the poor creature, but I know it involved taking apart several home appliances and a few drunken visits to Radio Shack.

The next morning, all of us woke up with a headache (especially the Forecast Monkey - it's a miracle he woke up at all). It was immediately clear that we had a changed monkey. He had always been violent, untrusting, and strangely prophetic, but all of these qualities were dramatically increased. One day recently the sight of me carrying a kitchen knife sent him into a violent seizure, and we noticed a strong correlation between the bloody foam coming from his mouth and the next day's stock charts. That's when we knew we were back in business.

We're going to give the Forecast Monkey a few days rest before he starts up his daily predictions again. Expect to see his new predictions starting April Fools Day here:

All stats will start fresh from zero, and there will be a small primer on how to actually use the predictions for trading (if flushing your money down the toilet isn't fast enough for you). Any fool who actually follows his predictions deserves the financial ruin they will inevitably receive. Please, stay away.

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