SELL SHORT at 3/3/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by pulling one of the Forecast Monkey's few remaining teeth, and weighing it.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	30 wins out of 55 attempts = 55% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	18%	N/A
	2009 YTD	-4.9%	N/A
	20 days	-22.7%	14.7%
	10 days	-25.7%	5.0%
	5 days	-7.8%	2.7%
	1 day	-9.26%	0.39%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 2/24/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by recording how much weight the Forecast Monkey lost after Grandma used her taser on him.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	28 wins out of 50 attempts = 56% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	28%	N/A
	2009 YTD	3.2%	N/A
	20 days	-23.0%	19.6%
	10 days	-12.3%	7.6%
	5 days	-19.4%	3.5%
	1 day	-6.97%	0.58%

The last few days have been a series of brutal losses, but it appears that today will be a big win for the Forecast Monkey.

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 2/11/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by having the Forecast Monkey swallow Diet Coke and Mentos and measuring how far the resulting explosion of soda spray flew.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	27 wins out of 42 attempts = 64% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	59%	N/A
	2009 YTD	28.9%	N/A
	20 days	31.0%	24.9%
	10 days	-0.6%	10.1%
	5 days	8.3%	5.2%
	1 day	9.83%	1.20%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 2/5/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by measuring the amount of blood-weight the Forecast Monkey lost after an hour-long "flea bath" (bath in a tub full of live fleas).

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	25 wins out of 38 attempts = 66% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	49%	N/A
	2009 YTD	20.7%	N/A
	20 days	29.7%	25.4%
	10 days	-6.3%	12.5%
	5 days	-0.2%	5.9%
	1 day	1.33%	1.13%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 1/23/2009 close

For the 72-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by observing the patterns created after dipping the Forecast Monkey in molasses and then letting him run loose on the clean, white carpet in my grandma's living room.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	22 wins out of 29 attempts = 76% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	64%	N/A
	2009 YTD	32.7%	N/A
	20 days	34.6%	19.8%
	10 days	35.0%	9.9%
	5 days	26.0%	6.9%
	1 day	3.04%	1.79%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 1/21/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by telling the Forecast Monkey scary stories about people who eat monkey brains and recording the vibration frequencies of his trembling.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	20 wins out of 27 attempts = 74% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	46%	N/A
	2009 YTD	18.3%	N/A
	20 days	25.0%	16.0%
	10 days	27.2%	6.9%
	5 days	19.8%	5.0%
	1 day	10.49%	1.48%

As you can see, yesterday was the biggest gain ever for the Forecast Monkey's performance. Don't expect to see that again any time soon!

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 1/13/2009 close

For the 72-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by letting the forecast monkey sniff glue while drawing on stock charts with crayons.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:
Average success rate: 72%
Worst draw-down ever: -9.1% (12/30/2008 to 1/2/2009)
Total return: +31%
10-day return: +8.9% (Avg: +4.9%)
5-day return: +6.8% (Avg: +4.4%)
1-day return: +0.30% (Avg: +1.13%)

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 1/13/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by looming menacingly over the Forecast Monkey until he wet himself in terror, then carefully measuring how far the stream of liquid traveled from where he was curled up in the corner, trembling like a weak little baby.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:
Average success rate: 68%
Total return: +22%
10-day return: +1.7% (Avg: +4.8%)
5-day return: +7.4% (Avg: +4.0%)
1-day return: -4.59% (Avg: +0.95%)

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 1/8/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by depriving the Forecast Monkey of sleep and carefully logging his eye twitches per minute.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:
Average success rate: 68%
Total return: +21%
10-day return: -0.3% (Avg: +5.3%)
5-day return: -1.7% (Avg: +3.2%)
1-day return: +5.66% (Avg: +1.08%)

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 1/6/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by getting the Forecast Monkey drunk and giving him a telephone, then recording the ire of the victims of his random prank calls.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through Friday's close:
Average success rate: 65%
Total return: +13%
10-day return: -3.2%
5-day return: -5.3%
Monday 01/05/2009 return: +0.87%
Average daily return: +0.79%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 12/30/2008 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by analyzing the recorded chatter-frequency of the Forecast Monkey's teeth after shaving off all of his hair and tying him up outside.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through yesterday's close:
Average success rate: 69%
Total return: +19%
1 week return: -2.5%
Monday 12/29 return: -0.70%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 12/24/2008 close

For the 51-hour period beginning 9:50 PM PST on yesterday the 24th and ending at the market close on tomorrow the 26th, Forecast Monkey said SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares). See the last post for the actual prediction.

This prediction was reached by giving the Forecast Monkey seizure-inducing pharmaceuticals, and observing the bite marks he left on his tongue.

Statistics will not be updated until Monday's post. There is a good chance I won't be able to post tomorrow. If not, the Forecast Monkey's prediction will be to BUY LONG at market close.

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 12/19/2008 close

For the 72-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by having the forecast monkey push a lever up or down, and giving him cocaine when his lever movements matched the stock market.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through yesterday's close:
Average success rate: 86%
Total return: +17%
1 week return: +8%
Yesterday's return: -4.23%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 12/12/2008 close

For the 24-hour period beginning right now, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by scanning the Forecast Monkey's retinas while tickling him (not an easy task).

Yesterday, Forecast Monkey predicted that the S&P 500 would rise over the 24-hour period ending now. With ten minutes remaining in the trading day, it appears that yesterday's prediction was correct. If you were stupid and traded based on the forecasts so far, as of right now you would have a gain of approximately 9% over the last 3 days (exact return will be posted tomorrow).

So far, the Forecast Monkey has been 100% correct in his trading predictions. If he keeps that level of accuracy, a trader following his advice will double his money every few months.

Exact return through yesterday's close was: +8.13%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 12/10/2008 close

For the 24-hour period beginning right now, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by observing the Forecast Monkey as he played countless rounds of "odd-or-even" with my leg hair.

Yesterday, Forecast Monkey predicted that the S&P 500 would rise over the 24-hour period ending now. With ten minutes remaining in the trading day, it appears that yesterday's prediction was correct. If you were a moron and actually traded based on yesterday's forecast, as of right now you would have a gain of approximately 2% over the last 24 hours (exact numbers will be posted tomorrow).

So far, the Forecast Monkey has been 100% correct in his trading predictions. If he keeps that level of accuracy, a trader following his advice will double his money every few months.

Yesterday's blog post appears to have an incorrect time stamp. For the record, it is 12:50 PM, Pacific Time on 12/10/2008.

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.