SELL SHORT at 3/3/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by pulling one of the Forecast Monkey's few remaining teeth, and weighing it.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	30 wins out of 55 attempts = 55% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	18%	N/A
	2009 YTD	-4.9%	N/A
	20 days	-22.7%	14.7%
	10 days	-25.7%	5.0%
	5 days	-7.8%	2.7%
	1 day	-9.26%	0.39%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 2/24/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by recording how much weight the Forecast Monkey lost after Grandma used her taser on him.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	28 wins out of 50 attempts = 56% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	28%	N/A
	2009 YTD	3.2%	N/A
	20 days	-23.0%	19.6%
	10 days	-12.3%	7.6%
	5 days	-19.4%	3.5%
	1 day	-6.97%	0.58%

The last few days have been a series of brutal losses, but it appears that today will be a big win for the Forecast Monkey.

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 2/11/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by having the Forecast Monkey swallow Diet Coke and Mentos and measuring how far the resulting explosion of soda spray flew.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	27 wins out of 42 attempts = 64% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	59%	N/A
	2009 YTD	28.9%	N/A
	20 days	31.0%	24.9%
	10 days	-0.6%	10.1%
	5 days	8.3%	5.2%
	1 day	9.83%	1.20%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STAY SHORT at 2/9/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Continue to hold Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by feeling the shape of the Forecast Monkey's skull and looking for patterns in the bumps and hollows we found.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	26 wins out of 40 attempts = 65% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	45%	N/A
	2009 YTD	17.8%	N/A
	20 days	19.0%	25.2%
	10 days	-12.1%	11.1%
	5 days	-4.3%	5.3%
	1 day	-5.49%	1.02%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STAY SHORT at 2/6/2009 close

For the 72-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Continue to hold Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by carefully observing the Forecast Monkey as he attempted to do his own dental work.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	26 wins out of 39 attempts = 67% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	54%	N/A
	2009 YTD	24.6%	N/A
	20 days	26.8%	25.5%
	10 days	-6.1%	11.9%
	5 days	-3.3%	5.6%
	1 day	3.27%	1.19%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 2/5/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by measuring the amount of blood-weight the Forecast Monkey lost after an hour-long "flea bath" (bath in a tub full of live fleas).

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	25 wins out of 38 attempts = 66% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	49%	N/A
	2009 YTD	20.7%	N/A
	20 days	29.7%	25.4%
	10 days	-6.3%	12.5%
	5 days	-0.2%	5.9%
	1 day	1.33%	1.13%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STAY SHORT at 1/28/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Continue to hold Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by giving the Forecast Monkey caffeine pills and measuring his pupil dilation.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	23 wins out of 32 attempts = 72% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	60%	N/A
	2009 YTD	29.6%	N/A
	20 days	33.9%	23.6%
	10 days	31.7%	12.7%
	5 days	9.6%	8.3%
	1 day	-2.16%	1.55%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STAY SHORT at 1/27/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Continue to hold Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by exposing the Forecast Monkey to radiation and analyzing his luminescence once he started glowing.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	23 wins out of 31 attempts = 74% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	64%	N/A
	2009 YTD	32.5%	N/A
	20 days	35.4%	22.7%
	10 days	28.4%	11.9%
	5 days	23.7%	8.3%
	1 day	-1.13%	1.67%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STAY SHORT at 1/26/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Continue to hold Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by analyzing the audio recordings we made after giving the Forecast Monkey a drug cocktail that causes a fit of uncontrollable rage when he sees any source of light, and then hiding him in grandma's underwear drawer.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	23 wins out of 30 attempts = 77% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	66%	N/A
	2009 YTD	34.0%	N/A
	20 days	38.6%	21.5%
	10 days	35.5%	11.1%
	5 days	26.9%	7.7%
	1 day	1.01%	1.76%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 1/23/2009 close

For the 72-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by observing the patterns created after dipping the Forecast Monkey in molasses and then letting him run loose on the clean, white carpet in my grandma's living room.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	22 wins out of 29 attempts = 76% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	64%	N/A
	2009 YTD	32.7%	N/A
	20 days	34.6%	19.8%
	10 days	35.0%	9.9%
	5 days	26.0%	6.9%
	1 day	3.04%	1.79%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 1/21/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by telling the Forecast Monkey scary stories about people who eat monkey brains and recording the vibration frequencies of his trembling.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	20 wins out of 27 attempts = 74% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	46%	N/A
	2009 YTD	18.3%	N/A
	20 days	25.0%	16.0%
	10 days	27.2%	6.9%
	5 days	19.8%	5.0%
	1 day	10.49%	1.48%

As you can see, yesterday was the biggest gain ever for the Forecast Monkey's performance. Don't expect to see that again any time soon!

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 1/13/2009 close

For the 72-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by letting the forecast monkey sniff glue while drawing on stock charts with crayons.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:
Average success rate: 72%
Worst draw-down ever: -9.1% (12/30/2008 to 1/2/2009)
Total return: +31%
10-day return: +8.9% (Avg: +4.9%)
5-day return: +6.8% (Avg: +4.4%)
1-day return: +0.30% (Avg: +1.13%)

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 1/13/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by looming menacingly over the Forecast Monkey until he wet himself in terror, then carefully measuring how far the stream of liquid traveled from where he was curled up in the corner, trembling like a weak little baby.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:
Average success rate: 68%
Total return: +22%
10-day return: +1.7% (Avg: +4.8%)
5-day return: +7.4% (Avg: +4.0%)
1-day return: -4.59% (Avg: +0.95%)

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 1/8/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by depriving the Forecast Monkey of sleep and carefully logging his eye twitches per minute.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:
Average success rate: 68%
Total return: +21%
10-day return: -0.3% (Avg: +5.3%)
5-day return: -1.7% (Avg: +3.2%)
1-day return: +5.66% (Avg: +1.08%)

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 1/6/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by getting the Forecast Monkey drunk and giving him a telephone, then recording the ire of the victims of his random prank calls.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through Friday's close:
Average success rate: 65%
Total return: +13%
10-day return: -3.2%
5-day return: -5.3%
Monday 01/05/2009 return: +0.87%
Average daily return: +0.79%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STAY SHORT at 01/02/2009 close

For the 72-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Continue to hold Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by giving the forecast monkey an Xbox 360 controller and counting the number of times he pressed / ate / poo'ed on each button.

I hope nobody was fool enough to trade these predictions, because you'd have been hammered the last few days... Silly faceheads.

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STAY SHORT at 12/31/2008 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Continue to hold Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by graphing the forecast monkey's heartbeats and cross-referencing the graphs with historical stock prices.

I note that anybody who was dumb enough to trade these predictions stands to lose a lot of money at today's close. Suckers!

There is a good chance that I will not have internet access on Friday, so if I am not able to post my Friday-at-close prediction before Friday's close, consider that prediction to be BUY LONG.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through yesterday's close:
Average success rate: 71%
Total return: +24%
1 week return: +3.4%
Monday 12/29 return: +4.05%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 12/30/2008 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by analyzing the recorded chatter-frequency of the Forecast Monkey's teeth after shaving off all of his hair and tying him up outside.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through yesterday's close:
Average success rate: 69%
Total return: +19%
1 week return: -2.5%
Monday 12/29 return: -0.70%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 12/24/2008 close

For the 51-hour period beginning 9:50 PM PST on yesterday the 24th and ending at the market close on tomorrow the 26th, Forecast Monkey said SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares). See the last post for the actual prediction.

This prediction was reached by giving the Forecast Monkey seizure-inducing pharmaceuticals, and observing the bite marks he left on his tongue.

Statistics will not be updated until Monday's post. There is a good chance I won't be able to post tomorrow. If not, the Forecast Monkey's prediction will be to BUY LONG at market close.

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 12/19/2008 close

For the 72-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by having the forecast monkey push a lever up or down, and giving him cocaine when his lever movements matched the stock market.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through yesterday's close:
Average success rate: 86%
Total return: +17%
1 week return: +8%
Yesterday's return: -4.23%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.