BUY LONG at 3/5/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Alas, due to technical difficulties, I was not able to make a prediction yesterday. For performance purposes, we assume that any hypothetical investors stuck with the last prediction made (sell short), and thus made out like bandits today.

No stats today. Maybe tomorrow.

BUY LONG at 2/25/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by recording how much weight Grandma lost after the Forecast Monkey stole her taser and used it on her.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	29 wins out of 51 attempts = 57% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	37%	N/A
	2009 YTD	11.2%	N/A
	20 days	-16.0%	18.5%
	10 days	-5.2%	7.3%
	5 days	-4.4%	3.3%
	1 day	7.76%	0.72%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 2/12/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by observing the Forecast Monkey's behavior changes after he was forced to eat a diet consisting of nothing but KFC chicken for a week.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	28 wins out of 43 attempts = 65% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	62%	N/A
	2009 YTD	31.1%	N/A
	20 days	32.8%	25.3%
	10 days	8.4%	10.1%
	5 days	8.7%	5.2%
	1 day	1.71%	1.21%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 2/10/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by observing the Forecast Monkey as he tried to learn to play Tiddlywinks.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	26 wins out of 41 attempts = 63% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	45%	N/A
	2009 YTD	17.4%	N/A
	20 days	13.8%	24.7%
	10 days	-11.4%	10.4%
	5 days	-4.5%	5.1%
	1 day	-0.33%	0.99%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 2/4/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by pumping the Forecast Monkey full of estrogen and measuring the volume of his resulting lactation.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

24 wins out of 37 attempts = 65% success rate
Timespan	Return	Average
Total	47%	N/A
2009 YTD	19.1%	N/A
20 days	29.9%	25.2%
10 days	0.6%	13.2%
5 days	-8.2%	6.1%
1 day	-3.13%	1.13%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

STAY SHORT at 2/3/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Continue to hold Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by renting out the Forecast Monkey as toddler birthday entertainment, and counting the resulting scratches and bruises found on all parties.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	24 wins out of 36 attempts = 67% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	52%	N/A
	2009 YTD	22.9%	N/A
	20 days	35.2%	24.9%
	10 days	14.8%	13.7%
	5 days	-7.2%	6.5%
	1 day	-0.16%	1.25%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 1/29/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by rubbing ten pieces of bubble gum into the Forecast Monkey's hair and carefully measuring the time it took him to get rid of it all.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	23 wins out of 33 attempts = 70% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	49%	N/A
	2009 YTD	20.9%	N/A
	20 days	25.8%	23.7%
	10 days	22.4%	13.1%
	5 days	-6.1%	7.8%
	1 day	-6.72%	1.30%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 1/22/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by observing the Forecast Monkey's artistic creations after giving him a can of spray paint and letting him loose in a racquetball court.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

	21 wins out of 28 attempts = 75% success rate
	Timespan	Return	Average
	Total	59%	N/A
	2009 YTD	28.8%	N/A
	20 days	35.4%	18.2%
	10 days	38.4%	8.5%
	5 days	30.4%	6.1%
	1 day	8.84%	1.75%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 1/20/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by observing the Forecast Monkey's flea migration patterns.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:

19 wins out of 26 attempts = 73% success rate

Timespan	Return	Average
Total	32%	N/A
2009 YTD	7.1%	N/A
20 days	8.3%	14.8%
10 days	17.8%	5.7%
5 days	3.8%	4.4%
1 day	1.37%	1.14%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 1/14/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by starving the Forecast Monkey for three days, then giving him a banana, then snatching it away right before his first bite, and then measuring the volume of his bitter tears.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:
Average success rate: 70%
Total return: +22%
10-day return: +2.8% (Avg: +4.6%)
5-day return: +6.2% (Avg: +4.1%)
1-day return: +0.33% (Avg: +0.92%)

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 1/9/2009 close

For the 72-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by giving the Forecast Monkey a handgun and measuring how high he jumped when he finally figured out how to pull the trigger.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:
Average success rate: 68%
Total return: +22%
10-day return: +2.3% (Avg: +5.0%)
5-day return: +2.0% (Avg: +3.2%)
1-day return: +0.66% (Avg: +1.06%)

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 1/7/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by comparing the lengths of several tapeworms harvested from the Forecast Monkey's bowels.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through the last market close:
Average success rate: 67%
Total return: +15%
10-day return: -2.2% (Avg: +5.9%)
5-day return: -3.2% (Avg: +3.6%)
1-day return: +1.46% (Avg: +0.83%)

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 1/5/2009 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by adding a steadily increasing dose of capsaicin to the Forecast Monkey's cocaine supply and carefully recording the exact instant that his drug-seeking behavior was overwhelmed by his discomfort.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through Friday's close:
Average success rate: 63%
Total return: +12%
1 week return: -6.0%
Friday 01/02/2009 return: -6.27%

Ouch! The last few days have been painful for anyone stupid enough to bet money on the Forecast Monkey's predictions. We're still in the black overall, but we've lost about half of our initial gains.

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 12/26/2008 close

For the 72-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST three days ago on Friday the 26th and ending today, Forecast Monkey said BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares). See the last post for the actual prediction.

Unfortunately, the Forecast Monkey's prediction changed from long to short before the market closed on Friday, but since I did not have access to the internet at that time, we're going with the older prediction in my last post, which will probably turn out wrong.

This latest prediction was reached by observing the Forecast Monkey's terrified cowering while watching nature videos of his natural predators.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through Friday's close will be included when I post today's prediction.

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 12/22/2008 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by observing the splatter-marks of the Forecast Monkey's tears as I forced him to pull my car through the snow this morning.

Statistics for the Forecast Monkey's predictions through yesterday's close:
Average success rate: 88%
Total return: +18%
1 week return: +7%
Yesterday's return: +0.46%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 12/17/2008 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by looking for patterns in where the Forecast Monkey scratches himself.

The Forecast Monkey's average success rate is: 100%
Total return through last close was: +19.90%.

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

SELL SHORT at 12/16/2008 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says SELL the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabear fund or SDS shares).

Today's prediction was reached by observing the Forecast Monkey's brain wave patterns while he listened to sound recordings of whale songs.

At the last market close, Forecast Monkey predicted that the S&P 500 would rise between then and now. With ten minutes remaining in the trading day, it appears that his prediction was correct. If you are lacking common sense and actually traded based on the forecasts so far, as of right now you would have total return of approximately 21% over the last 7 days (exact number will be posted tomorrow).

So far, the Forecast Monkey has been 100% correct in his trading predictions. If he keeps that level of accuracy, a trader following his advice will double his money every few months.

Total return through last close was: +12.41%.

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 12/15/2008 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Sell any other holdings and buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by giving the Forecast Monkey a Valium and engaging him in a 4-hour staring contest. Creepy? Yes. Effective? We'll see tomorrow.

On Friday, Forecast Monkey predicted that the S&P 500 would fall over the 72-hour period ending now. With ten minutes remaining in the trading day, it appears that yesterday's prediction was correct. If you are an "easy mark" and actually traded based on the forecasts so far, as of right now you would have total return of approximately 11% over the last 6 days (exact number will be posted tomorrow).

So far, the Forecast Monkey has been 100% correct in his trading predictions. If he keeps that level of accuracy, a trader following his advice will double his money every few months.

Total return through Friday's close was: +9.59%.

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 12/11/2008 close

For the 24-hour period beginning 12:50 PM PST, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

Today's prediction was reached by cross-referencing past stock-market moves with the Forecast Monkey's TFO index (Total Fecal Output).

Yesterday, Forecast Monkey predicted that the S&P 500 would fall over the 24-hour period ending now. With ten minutes remaining in the trading day, it appears that yesterday's prediction was correct. If you are gullible and actually traded based on the forecasts so far, as of right now you would have a gain of approximately 8% over the last 2 days (exact return will be posted tomorrow).

So far, the Forecast Monkey has been 100% correct in his trading predictions. If he keeps that level of accuracy, a trader following his advice will double his money every few months.

Exact return through yesterday's close was: +2.38%

I beg of you not to use this silly forecast in real-life trading. These predictions are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

BUY LONG at 12/9/2008 close

For the 24-hour period beginning right now, Forecast Monkey says BUY the S&P500 (Buy Ultrabull fund or SSO shares).

If you follow his advice, you are more stupid than you look, and that is saying something.

Today's prediction was arrived at via haruspicy, which in this case involved giving the Forecast Monkey a knife and setting him loose in a sheep pen. Believe me when I say this: it was messy, and it was NOT worth the trouble.